Why it Can Be So Hard to Move Out of Our Comfort Zones

Why it Can Be So Hard to Move Out of Our Comfort Zones

If you were ridiculed when trying something new in the past, it can feel vulnerable to try new things now. Sometimes, we need healing support to leave a frozen / stuck state and feel safe opening ourselves up to trying a new thing now. And, sometimes, all we need to...

a personal update and the gift of shoulder-to-shoulder-ness

a personal update and the gift of shoulder-to-shoulder-ness

Yesterday, I received an email from a teacher I admire (one of the only people I receive newsletters from—Carmen Spagnola). In it, she shares how she’s realized that she failed her child in some big ways during their senior year of high school and that’s been going...

How to Let Your Guard Down & Let Delight in

How to Let Your Guard Down & Let Delight in

“I’m noticing myself holding back on getting excited about this possibility. How do I allow feelings like elation, joy, thrill, and excitement to come in? How do I let my guard down and give myself permission to really feel into this thing, while knowing that it might...

Priority Needs, Story-Shifting, The Outside View & Allies

Priority Needs, Story-Shifting, The Outside View & Allies

On Wednesday, we began our exploration into the ten core elements of radical discernment! To read about skills one through four, click here. Before we go on, I invite you to take a moment to practice what you’ve been learning so far: Pause and notice your body. Offer...

Moments of Choice, Tracking Glimmers, Self-Compassion & Tuning In

Moments of Choice, Tracking Glimmers, Self-Compassion & Tuning In

Radical discernment is the name I’ve given to the body of skills and practices I’ve discovered over the past decade-plus to reliably help my clients (and myself) heal and prevent burnout, nourish joy, choose priorities, and show up effectively. Radical discernment is...

10 Steps for Making Powerful and Practical Commitments to Yourself

10 Steps for Making Powerful and Practical Commitments to Yourself

Do you set impossibly high standards around contribution and productivity but struggle to make commitments to yourself around rest, play, or wellbeing? As a result, do you often feel like you’re letting yourself down and struggle to trust yourself? If so, this is for...

The HALT(S) Method: How to Take Better Care of Yourself

The HALT(S) Method: How to Take Better Care of Yourself

These past few weeks, I’ve been looking for a new way to guide clients to prioritize sleep and exercise. For years, I talked about physical self-care through the lens of Minimum Requirements for Self-Care. But because fatphobic dominant culture socializes most of us...

Breaking From the Double-Binds of Burnout

Breaking From the Double-Binds of Burnout

I invite you to recall a moment when you felt really burned out. You might feel that way right now, or it may be a time from your past. How do you feel in your body when you think about burnout? Perhaps you feel drained, exhausted, depleted, tired, frustrated, or...

The Outside View: A Key Ingredient for Wise Decisions

The Outside View: A Key Ingredient for Wise Decisions

Have you ever made an impulsive decision and later wished you’d gathered more information first? I know I have. Too often, we changemakers make quick decisions without pausing to consider the information we need first. Often, we invest lots of energy in pursuing a...

6 Micro-Practices for Unfreezing Your Nervous System

6 Micro-Practices for Unfreezing Your Nervous System

Shifting into conscious choice A new client who is considering starting a consulting business wrote this to me this week: A former colleague reached out yesterday to ask me to help facilitate a staff retreat. But as soon as they asked, I went into Freeze mode, like a...

Four Basic Building Blocks of a Daily Discernment Practice

Four Basic Building Blocks of a Daily Discernment Practice

How to start meeting your needs In April, I started a new round of my Changemakers’ Mentorship program, and I challenged participants to commit to a fifteen-ish minute discernment pause each day. Last week, a participant in my mentorship program wrote me this...

An Ancient Map for Navigating Uncertainty

An Ancient Map for Navigating Uncertainty

Fourteen years ago, I began my journey mentoring people through major life transitions when I trained as a Birthing From Within doula. At the time, I was in the midst of my own personal upheaval. In the previous years, my partner had been deported to Mexico, I moved...

How to Cultivate a Healing Relationship with Yourself

How to Cultivate a Healing Relationship with Yourself

One day when my son, Kai, was six, he and his friend were playing with a balloon at a birthday party. Suddenly, Kai’s friend’s three-year-old sister, let’s call her Gabi, ran crying out of the room. A few minutes later, I stood up and went to the bedroom, where she...

On Discerning Between Avoidance & Distraction

On Discerning Between Avoidance & Distraction

Occasionally, a client shows up to a session with a guilty look on their face. They report that they didn’t engage with the self-awareness practices they’d committed to as many times as they’d planned, and they think they failed at their homework. In response, I ask...

A Primer in Attachment Strategies

A Primer in Attachment Strategies

If you ever find yourself scared, stuck, or struggling when you try to figure out what steps next—or to get yourself to take the steps that you know are good for you—I want to offer you some context for why you might struggle. In today’s love letter, I’m going to...

If you only listen to one word of advice from me, let it be this.

If you only listen to one word of advice from me, let it be this.

I invite you to imagine a river that’s run dry. It’s the middle of a severe drought, and nothing is moving. Next, imagine a stagnant, polluted river full of rotting debris. The stench invades your nostrils, and there’s a feeling of sluggishness in the air. Finally,...

How to Create Space (and Trust the Space to Support You)

How to Create Space (and Trust the Space to Support You)

I’ve been working with a client in my mentorship group on organizing her life and focusing on her priorities. This week, she wrote this check-in:  Learning about Monday morning work ‘practicification’ has helped me to start each work week feeling connected to myself...

On Dedicating Time to Play, Rest, & Spaciousness

On Dedicating Time to Play, Rest, & Spaciousness

At Sunday’s clarity retreat, after journaling about the future we long for and beginning to identify core values, a participant raised her hand and asked this question (one that I imagine is on many people’s minds): There's a part of me that's wondering whether there...

a personal update and a gift for the holiday season

a personal update and a gift for the holiday season

On Samhain last year (November 1), I had one of my first Tarot readings ever. The reading was stark. Amongst other potentially foreboding cards, I drew the Tower and the Hermit, indicating that something big was coming to an end and it was time to retreat. I took the...

2 Practices for When You Have Too Much Work

2 Practices for When You Have Too Much Work

What Most People Don't Realize About To-Do Listing This week, a client from my new Life & Leadership Coaching Cohort shared the following: Last week at work was hectic and overwhelming. I was in a meeting with my supervisor, she gave me a few more simple tasks to...

The Four Types of Social Support (Asking For What You Need)

The Four Types of Social Support (Asking For What You Need)

You and I did not come into this world afraid to make requests. When we were uncomfortable, we cried. When we were curious, we reached out. But quickly, most of us started learning to second-guess our needs, especially our need for support from others. Here are...

Don’t just put yourself first. Here’s what to do instead.

Don’t just put yourself first. Here’s what to do instead.

Sometimes, client’s come to me having internalized mainstream self-help culture’s insistence that we should all just put ourselves first. But they care deeply about the world and struggle to follow this mandate. Here’s what I tell them: Although the dominant culture...

The Answers Are There: Wisdom from Sierra Leone

The Answers Are There: Wisdom from Sierra Leone

On October 25, my dear friend, Libby Hoffman, will release her new book, The Answers Are There, about the Sierra Leonean peacebuilding organization, Fambul Tok, and her nearly 15 years of partnering with them. I was so inspired by The Answers Are There that I wanted...

How to Make Convincing Arguments While Strengthening Relationships

How to Make Convincing Arguments While Strengthening Relationships

One reason I was excited to join my city council recently is that it’s a crash course in self-awareness. I’ve been eager to learn which new skills I need to develop and which skills I already bring to the table. Here are a few things I’ve discovered about myself: I...

a few things I’m learning about boundaries

A couple of weeks ago, I asked readers to respond to a survey about what they want to learn about. I was fascinated to see the word boundaries emerge from the survey. On the one hand, it should have been obvious: Better boundaries are one of the things my clients...

4 Coaching Questions I’m Asking My 9th Grader

4 Coaching Questions I’m Asking My 9th Grader

A few minutes ago, my son, Kai, headed off on his bike for his first day of high school. Until now, you might say that I was on the stricter end of the spectrum. When the pandemic started (in 6th grade), I started allowing Kai more screen time. I gave him 15 minutes...

Where to Focus When the World Feels on Fire (Activism 101)

Where to Focus When the World Feels on Fire (Activism 101)

A couple of days ago, a new client wrote me this question (sharing now with her consent): I believe it’s time for me to shift to the questions of what is needed in my community/spheres of influence and how I can be of service. I’m struggling with these questions...

A recorded somatic practice for you! Get centered fast.

A recorded somatic practice for you! Get centered fast.

A huge thank you to everyone who filled out the survey. To express my gratitude, today I’m sharing the link to a recording of one of my favorite somatic practices, which I call 3-Dimensions Centering. (Near the end of the post.) The insights I gathered were incredibly...

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