If you only listen to one word of advice from me, let it be this.
I invite you to imagine a river that’s run dry. It’s the middle of a severe drought, and nothing is moving. Next, imagine a stagnant, polluted river full of rotting debris. The stench invades your nostrils, and there’s a feeling of sluggishness in the air. Finally,...
How to Create Space (and Trust the Space to Support You)
I’ve been working with a client in my mentorship group on organizing her life and focusing on her priorities. This week, she wrote this check-in: Learning about Monday morning work ‘practicification’ has helped me to start each work week feeling connected to myself...
On Dedicating Time to Play, Rest, & Spaciousness
At Sunday’s clarity retreat, after journaling about the future we long for and beginning to identify core values, a participant raised her hand and asked this question (one that I imagine is on many people’s minds): There's a part of me that's wondering whether there...
a personal update and a gift for the holiday season
On Samhain last year (November 1), I had one of my first Tarot readings ever. The reading was stark. Amongst other potentially foreboding cards, I drew the Tower and the Hermit, indicating that something big was coming to an end and it was time to retreat. I took the...
What if You Want to Watch TV & Hide (But You Don’t Know if You Should)
Do you ever just feel like life is too much and want to turn on the tv and hide? Do you ever feel guilty about turning on the tv, like you should be doing something else, instead? If so, this letter is for you. In my new coaching group, a theme has emerged around...
2 Practices for When You Have Too Much Work
What Most People Don't Realize About To-Do Listing This week, a client from my new Life & Leadership Coaching Cohort shared the following: Last week at work was hectic and overwhelming. I was in a meeting with my supervisor, she gave me a few more simple tasks to...
The Four Types of Social Support (Asking For What You Need)
You and I did not come into this world afraid to make requests. When we were uncomfortable, we cried. When we were curious, we reached out. But quickly, most of us started learning to second-guess our needs, especially our need for support from others. Here are...
The Primary Principle of Self-Mediation: For When You Want Clarity
Years ago, I took a month-long mediation course. I never ended up mediating disputes between individuals, but I still use what I learned to help my clients mediate disputes within themselves. To put this idea of self-mediation into context, I invite you to think of a...
Don’t just put yourself first. Here’s what to do instead.
Sometimes, client’s come to me having internalized mainstream self-help culture’s insistence that we should all just put ourselves first. But they care deeply about the world and struggle to follow this mandate. Here’s what I tell them: Although the dominant culture...
The Answers Are There: Wisdom from Sierra Leone
On October 25, my dear friend, Libby Hoffman, will release her new book, The Answers Are There, about the Sierra Leonean peacebuilding organization, Fambul Tok, and her nearly 15 years of partnering with them. I was so inspired by The Answers Are There that I wanted...
What Makes Change Easy & the Basic Building Block of Social Movements
My dear friend, Piper, and I love to dance. But in the age of covid, we don’t get many opportunities. So last year, we decided to host an autumn equinox dance party. Just Roots, the farm next to our house, allowed us to use the great open space in front of their barn....
How to Make Convincing Arguments While Strengthening Relationships
One reason I was excited to join my city council recently is that it’s a crash course in self-awareness. I’ve been eager to learn which new skills I need to develop and which skills I already bring to the table. Here are a few things I’ve discovered about myself: I...
a few things I’m learning about boundaries
A couple of weeks ago, I asked readers to respond to a survey about what they want to learn about. I was fascinated to see the word boundaries emerge from the survey. On the one hand, it should have been obvious: Better boundaries are one of the things my clients...
4 Coaching Questions I’m Asking My 9th Grader
A few minutes ago, my son, Kai, headed off on his bike for his first day of high school. Until now, you might say that I was on the stricter end of the spectrum. When the pandemic started (in 6th grade), I started allowing Kai more screen time. I gave him 15 minutes...
Where to Focus When the World Feels on Fire (Activism 101)
A couple of days ago, a new client wrote me this question (sharing now with her consent): I believe it’s time for me to shift to the questions of what is needed in my community/spheres of influence and how I can be of service. I’m struggling with these questions...
A recorded somatic practice for you! Get centered fast.
A huge thank you to everyone who filled out the survey. To express my gratitude, today I’m sharing the link to a recording of one of my favorite somatic practices, which I call 3-Dimensions Centering. (Near the end of the post.) The insights I gathered were incredibly...
On Call-ins, Ableism, Regret, and (not) Flying with Covid
Two weeks ago, I wrote you a letter sharing that I got on a plane knowing I had covid. I discovered that fact about a half hour before leaving for the plane, and I decided to fly. I now regret that decision. I shouldn’t have flown, and I wish I hadn’t. At the risk of...
four lessons from getting sick with covid
I consider myself a diligent mask-wearer. And yet, on the morning of my flight back from Ireland, I tested positive for covid. -Did I get it on the night in the bar in Dingle when I kept my mask off to sing and enjoy a grand craic? -Was it when I shook my tour guide’s...
Medicine for our journeys to the underworld
I wrote this a couple of hours before learning about Roe vs. Wade decision. I’m stunned (which I’m learning is a different sensation than surprised) and sad and I’m wondering how you’re doing. As I discussed with a client today, all the feelings are appropriate, from...
Why I Believe in Shoulds & How I Became a City Councilor
In early April, in the midst of finishing my manuscript, I received a text from my city council president. (I live on the ancestral and unceded lands of the Pocumtuck people in present-day Greenfield, MA, which with 18,000ish residents, is the biggest city in our...
How to Assess the Value of an Offering
In my Career Clarity Group this past week, a participant asked this question: How do I assess the value of my ideas/offerings, both from a monetary perspective and a “what does the world need” perspective? Perhaps you’re facing a similar question. Finding a work-life...
How to Identify Your Strengths & Gifts
If you’re like a lot of my clients, you might struggle to recognize and appreciate what you’re good at. Perhaps you learned to brush off compliments, downplay accomplishments, and avoid bragging from a young age. When you tell people about a success you have, you...
If your heart is heavy, this is for you.
My heart has been heavy with Buffalo and Uvalde. Writing about anything unrelated feels disrespectful. And yet so does trying to make sense of it all or wrap it up with a bow. I’ve been putting off writing to you, and even as I begin, I’m uncertain what to say. And,...
The Difference Between Wishes & Commitments
When many of my clients start working with me, they have wished to change their lives for a long time but haven’t yet committed. A wish sounds like: It would be good if I… I’d like to… I’ll try to (fill in the blank with something that’s unrealistic given the time or...
If it Feels Hard to Imagine
When I invite clients to imagine the future they long for, they sometimes become flooded with feelings of overwhelm or draw a blank. When I inquire deeper, these clients often share experiences of trauma, such as being laid off from a previous job or neglected as a...
Your Ideal Clients
These questions are particularly for helping and healing professionals who are growing their own businesses. If that’s not you, you can skip this section (or you can play with the questions for fun!). Grab your journal and a pen. Settle your body. When you’re ready,...
How You Might Show Up for Social Change
Change can feel much more possible when we choose one or two places (organizations, communities, issues) to focus our efforts. For example, for the past few years, the body I’ve chosen to focus my organizing efforts on is my town—Greenfield, Massachusetts. As part of...
Your Ideal Working Conditions
Your ideal working conditions include: Your ideal schedule, Where you want to work, and The people you want to work with. To discern your ideal working conditions now, I invite you to get your journal and a pen, and write down what arises in response to the following...
Your Minimum Requirements for Self-Care
Self-care pioneer, Jennifer Louden, calls the baby steps we need to regularly take to be healthy and happy the minimum requirements for self-care.[1] Although all humans need certain basic things—sleep, food, movement, water, air—different people have slightly...
How to Identify Your Core Values (Step-by-Step)
In Theater of the Imagination, renowned storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estés tells listeners that the English word self stems from the Old Germanic word, selb, which originally meant to be saturated all the way through.[1] When we live in alignment with our values in...
Why We Turn Away From Our Bodies
When you and I were born, we obeyed our bodies. When we were sad, we cried. When we were content, we cooed. Tuning in to our bodies’ signals was and still is our birthright. However, soon after we were born, most of us began disregarding our bodies’ messages. For...
What do you need and want?
When I ask what you want and need, I’m not talking about pursuing an endless hunger for material possession or following your bliss at another’s expense. I’m not advocating entitlement or believing you have a right to something that harms another just because you have...
How to Respond to Parts of Yourself Who Struggle With Personal Transformation
When you read a great book about personal transformation, part of you might love what you’re reading. But other parts may struggle with what you read. Here are three parts that I often see struggle with personal transformation and thoughts about how to respond to...