I haven’t told many people about it, but I have a big dream with the potential for creating real change in the world.
New clients often tell me something like this when they first start working with me.
But fear holds them back.
They have a loud Voice of Doubt that berates them with all sorts of yeah buts and what ifs.
Yeah, that’s a nice dream and all, but what if it doesn’t work out?
What if people see how unprepared you are? What if you do a really bad job? What if you give up what you have now and wind up with even less?
If you, too, have a dream for change and a loud inner Voice of Doubt holding you back, here’s what I want you to know:
Fear is a natural response to the unknown.
Most animals experience trepidation when heading into uncharted territory. Of course we hesitate in the face of the unknown.
Fear is, therefore, not what keeps us stuck.
What keeps us stuck in inaction is how we relate to our fear.
Many people have an all or nothing approach to fear and nervousness.
Sometimes, they try to convince the scared parts of themselves to not be afraid: Don’t be scared. There’s nothing to be worried about.
Other times, they become consumed with worry. They expend precious energy ruminating about what’s gone wrong or what to do next. Their thoughts interrupt their focus and create a constant buzz of background anxiety, slowing their progress down.
There is a third way to relate to fear.
When we stop trying to eliminate our fear and we stop allowing ourselves to be overtaken by our fear, we gain the power to choose our response to our fear and our situation.
I call this third way compassionate witness perspective.
To take a compassionate witness perspective means to observe the sensations, emotions, thoughts, and images that arise within us without judging them, reacting to them, or trying to get rid of them.
Rather than diving deep into what we feel, we sit beside our feelings.
Rather than being tossed around by the waves of our experience, we watch the ocean of our internal experience from a birds’ eye view.
Rather than becoming overwhelmed by our experience, we accompany the struggling parts of ourselves with warmth and curiosity, seeking to understand what they want to say.
Witness perspective creates choice.
When we step back and witness our internal experience, we interrupt our autopilot impulses and habitual reactions. We create more space to investigate what we really need and what response might need our needs.
While taking witness perspective sometimes soothes the nervous system, it doesn’t necessarily make the fear or other painful feelings go away.
But when we witness what’s going on within us without trying to make ourselves feel any different, we offer our feelings the space they need to transform.
Witness perspective reshapes the brain for wellbeing.
In his book Mindsight, interpersonal neurobiologist Daniel Siegel writes that when embody witness perspective, we resculpt our body-brains’ neural pathways in ways that can dramatically improve wellbeing.
Embodying witness perspective strengthens the connections between various parts of the body-brain and the brain’s prefrontal cortex, thereby improving the nine vital skills—
- Body regulation
- Fear modulation
- Emotional balance
- Insight
- Empathy
- Attuned communication
- Contribution
- Intuition
- Conscious choice.
Curious to learn more? I invite you to experiment with embodying witness perspective now.
Practice: Embodying Witness Perspective
If any of my following instructions feel awkward or challenging or uncomfortable, please try to be patient with yourself. It can take quite a bit of practice and support to learn to just be present to our internal experience. For now, I invite you to experiment and see what happens.
I invite you to begin by imagining that you are a bird in the sky. You’re gently soaring above the ground, looking down at the life below.
What you see represents your internal experience.
With gentle curiosity, ask yourself—What emotions or sensations are present within me?
You might imagine a landscape or colors that represent the feelings that are present. Or you might notice sensations within you. You might hear sounds.
If you’d like help naming your emotions, you might want to download my Emotions Wheels.
Notice what comes up.
From this bird’s eye view, if it feels okay, send a gentle hello to what you notice. Greeting your feelings, not trying to make them go away or diving into them. Just letting them know you are present and that you acknowledge them.
Then, ask yourself, What thoughts are present in my mind?
Watching your thoughts from your bird’s eye perspective as if they were cars or animals moving on the ground. Greet each new thought you notice, saying hello thought. Again, not getting sucked down into your thoughts, just noticing.
Spend a few more moments soaring above your inner experience, noticing your feelings and thoughts, unattached and open.
When you feel complete, gradually bring your attention back to the present moment, open your eyes and take in the room around you.
As you go throughout your days ahead, I invite you to notice when you feel fear, self-doubt, or nervousness. Then, pause, do your best to embody witness perspective, and gently observe your feelings and thoughts.
As my new clients with big dreams soon discover, each time we practice witness perspective, it becomes easier to soothe our fear and choose a next step in the direction of what we most desire.
May you discover all the support and soothing you need to pursue your big dreams.
For support witnessing your inner experience, I invite you to download my Emotions Wheels and Priority Needs Wheel.
And if you’d like to receive more guidance like this, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly Love Letters to Changemakers—morsels of nourishment for the hearts, minds, and bodies of people engaged in social change work. I’d love to share it with you!