Imagine that you and I are hanging out by a fire about thirty thousand years ago.
We’re enjoying ourselves, telling stories, when suddenly, out of the corner of our eyes, we spot a tiger-shaped shadow.
The first thought that enters our minds…?
Tiger!
Of course, we don’t know whether it’s a tiger or not, so what do we do?
Do we go check out the shadow to see if it’s really a tiger?
Or, do we run and hide?
If we hide, we risk being wrong and missing out on the opportunity to learn what the shadow really was.
But, if we check it out, we risk death.
I don’t know about you, but I would run and hide. And I imagine you would, too.
Fast forward to the present day. Our ancestors’ habit of being hyper-alert for potential danger is still alive and well in our brains.
You and I are descended from people who ran from the shadow and the shaking bush.
Our brains are wired to focus on what doesn’t work and to fear the unknown.
Since those early days, we’ve risen to the top of the food chain, and are much safer from tigers and other predatory animals than we were back in the day.
And yet, our minds are often still filled with fears of survival.
One of the contexts I most often encounter these survival fears are with my clients who are considering a career change.
They often sound like this — How will I pay the rent? How will I pay for food? What if I go into massive debt? Or if I can’t pay off the debt I already have? What if I can no longer take care of my family or myself? What if I end up broke, homeless, and alone?
Now, in late-stage capitalism where most of us must make money in order to care for our basic survival needs, I’m not about to tell you that these fears are strictly a figment of your imagination.
Years ago, as a single mom on food stamps, I struggled to make ends meet, and I knew how real these fears can be.
I would never tell you to go jump off a cliff tomorrow to pursue your dreams without some safety net in place.
That said, I also watch many people get stuck by focusing primarily on what’s wrong with their current context and their fears about what could happen if they tried to make a change. It’s like viewing life through dirty, clouded glasses.
What we focus our attention on grows.
If we focus on the things we don’t like about our current context, we’re more likely to notice more of the things we don’t like.
If we focus on what we hate about our current job, we’re more likely to have a harder time imagining the job we want.
If we focus on the doors that close, we’re less likely to notice the doors that open or be able to detect the otherwise hidden possibilities around us.
The brain isn’t capable of thinking in negatives. In fact, try it now. Don’t think of a peanut butter sandwich. It’s impossible, isn’t it?
The good news is, we can rewire our brains.
To detect possibility, we must learn to get curious and focus on what we want, what helps us meet our needs, and the breadcrumbs that might lead toward the life we want.
The more we notice possibilities, the more we believe that change is possible. And the more we believe change is possible, the more our brains notice possibilities we may never have seen before.
The more we notice hidden possibilities, the more likely we are to pursue them. And the more we pursue these otherwise hidden possibilities, the more confident we become in our ability to create change.
Our feelings of success build momentum that help us move forward. It’s a positive feedback loop.
In the life of every person, group, or organization, something is working well.
If we want to develop the ability to perceive more hidden possibilities, our task is to find out what works, even if just a little bit, and then to do more of that.
And, of course, noticing hidden possibilities and the things that bring us joy is not the same as ignoring closed doors and the things that bring us pain.
If part of you worries that you’ll be disloyal to the hard parts of your life if you pay more attention to the good parts, I invite you to write a grit sandwich.
Practice: The Grit Sandwich
Grit sandwiches are a practice I learned back when I was teaching Simplicity Parenting.
Kim John Payne, the founder of this transformative parenting model, encouraged parents to help their kiddos make a “grit sandwich” at the end of the school day. But this practice is great for grown-ups, too.
Here’s how you do it:
- Think of something that went well in your day, something positive. Highlight as many details as possible. That’s the first piece of bread.
- Think of something that didn’t go great. Allow the part of you who wants to complain to let you know what felt frustrating or disappointing today. Do your best to stay out of blaming others or shaming yourself for what happened. Just note what actually happened. That’s the grit.
- Write down one more piece of bread— something else that went well.
- Take a moment to notice how you feel in your body when you think about what went well. If you notice any positive sensations or emotions, see if you can take in just a teaspoon more of these positive feelings.
I invite you to try it now!
From now on, be on the lookout for what’s working well, any small signs of positivity.
Ask yourself—What’s working well? What do I appreciate about myself? What’s new and good today?
Notice any positive feelings in your body, and see if you can take in just a teaspoon more of those positive feelings.
It’s okay if most of the positive feelings you notice are just ones or twos on a scale in which zero is feeling nothing and ten is ecstatic joy. Most of the time, joy is an everyday occurrence that we don’t even notice until we start paying attention.
And when we start paying attention, otherwise hidden possibilities begin revealing themselves to us.
***
Would you love to receive more morsels of guidance like these?
If so, I invite you to sign up for my free, weekly Love Letters to Changemakers, brief weekly morsels of support to nourish your heart, mind, and body as you work to make a difference in your community.
To learn more and sign up, click here: Love Letters to Changemakers.
And if you’re eager to dive deeper with one of my private or group coaching programs, I invite you to take a look here: Work With Me.
It would be an honor to get to support you more! Wishing you all the best as you seek out those hidden possibilities!