I often hear coaches, therapists, healers, and folks who’ve done a lot of work on themselves and who are struggling emotionally say things like:

“I’ve already learned how to make myself feel better, so I should know better than to hurt! This must mean I’m not a good enough… coach, therapist, fill-in-the-blank.”

If this you, here’s what I want you to know:

You are human. That means that sometimes, you will hurt.

You are human. Therefore, you will get triggered.

If someone tells you that they think you’re not doing a good job, that they don’t like you, that someone else is their best friend and you’re second rate, that they decided to hire someone else, that they have bigger priorities than to join a campaign that means the world to you, or something else that you’re hoping not to hear, your heart is bound to hurt.

As social primates, we need belonging and connection with other people. Meanwhile, modern-day systems rooted in capitalism make it hard to meet these needs.

Hurt is a physiological response to unmet needs.

In this world where so many needs are so often unmet, your heart is apt to feel pain.

Hurt can also point to old stories and patterns in you that are asking to be acknowledged and made whole.

When you get triggered, rather than telling yourself that you’re already done learning what you needed to learn, can you get curious and say to yourself:

“Oh! I’m triggered! I wonder what I can learn now. I wonder what I might heal now.”

Please stop telling yourself that just because you’ve learned something or practiced something before, you should be done practicing, done learning.

Stop telling yourself the story that equates feeling hurt with not being advanced enough.

Instead, do your best to honor your needs and get curious about what else you might heal.

You are human.

If you live life fully, you will feel pain. And you will feel joy. And then, some more pain. And then, some more joy.

I celebrate you in all of your humanness. May you do the same.


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