In my systemic constellations training last year, I learned a practice called the Tetrolema. Designed by Matthias Varga van Kibed, the Tetrolema helps people decide between two different options by tuning into their bodies and sensing which path resonates most. 

Since discovering the Tetrolema, I have shared it with my clients who feel stuck at a fork in the road. They’re asking questions like:

  • Do I stay at my current job or start a private practice? 
  • Do I invest in improving my skills or in developing my business? 
  • Do I apply for this job or not? 
  • Do I say yes to this job offer or not?
  • Do I move to a different state or stay where I am?

Matched with the other practices I teach, this practice has proven surprisingly reliable for helping my clients identify which path resonates most. 

In a moment, I will share the Tetrolema practice with you. But first, a word about resonance:

Sensing Resonance

To get a sense of what resonance feels like, I invite you to recall a moment when you felt full of energy and like everything was working effortlessly. Remember how you felt in your body. What did your lower body feel? Your upper body? Your face, neck, and head? Where do you feel the energy? What does it feel like? Do you feel cold or warm? Open or constricted? Are you relaxed or tense? Do you feel like you can trust inner guidance or life itself? 

Then, recall a time when you were frustrated, afraid, or resistant to something. Let your body remember how you felt. How did you feel? What did your lower body feel? Your upper body? Your face, neck, and head? Do you feel cold or warm? Open or constricted? Are you relaxed or tense? Do you feel like you can trust inner guidance or life itself? 

Resonance is the state of being attuned to and moving at the same frequency as someone or something else. When you are in resonance, you will feel alive in your body, grounded and nourished, like things are lining up. When you are not in resonance, you are likely to feel restless, uncertain of what you want from life or what life wants from you.

I invite you to slowly return to the inner state of resonance, noticing the subtle internal shifts that occur as you move into and out of resonance. 

If you have a hard time recalling resonance, don’t push yourself. Instead, in the coming days, get curious about what resonance might feel like, catch yourself in the act of feeling resonance, and amplify and absorb the feelings. Each time you do this, it will be easier to notice when you are in resonance.

Now, the Tetrolema.

To begin, I invite you to engage this practice with a spirit of playfulness. Going into this practice without the expectation that it will give you the be-and-end-all answers will help you sense what resonates and what does not. Depending on how much work you’ve invested in gathering the inside view and the outside view (an understanding about what you need and an understanding about what the world needs), this practice might bring you the answers you’re looking for, or it might elicit important information about the decision you make. 

Now, I invite you to choose a decision that you keep going back and forth about, something you’re struggling to make up your mind about. 

Then, get out four pieces of paper (computer paper works well). On one piece of paper, write down one option. On the next piece of paper, write down the other option. For example, let’s say you’re thinking about training as a coach, and you’re trying to decide between two different training options. On one piece of paper, write down the name of one training, and on the other piece of paper, write down the name of the other training. On the third piece of paper, write “Both.” On the fourth, write “Neither.” 

Place the first four pieces of paper on the floor in a square or diamond shape. Have the two options facing each other and the “both” and “neither” facing each other. Like this:

Grab your journal and a pen, and stand up.

Slowly walk toward one piece of paper. Notice how you feel in your body as you approach it. Look at the paper, then stand on it, and notice how you feel. Ask yourself: What does my body say about this option? What information arises when I face each possibility? Write down what you notice. 

Move to the next piece of paper and ask yourself the same questions. Move slowly enough to notice the subtle internal shifts as you visit each piece of paper. 

You can visit each paper multiple times, noticing the sensations and emotions that arise, noticing where you feel a resonance or a lack of resonance.  

When you’re complete, reflect on what you discovered. Ask yourself: Given the information that I’ve gathered here, what is the next baby step I might take? You might have gained lots of clarity to take big steps forward, or you might realize that you need to gather more information. Every baby step matters. It is through baby step after baby step that we keep getting clear.

Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Much love,


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